Hero
by Jsel
Summary: WARNING: character death. Jack's thoughts after the death of one of SG-1
1. Default Chapter

Warning: character death!  
spoilers: Stargate the movie, cant think of any others  
Disclaimer: not mine, as usual  
Notes: I put this into a couple poems first, so if you want to read them, let me know and I'll post them. Oh yeah, do flamingos migrate?  
  
  
Hero  
  
  
  
Just a small funeral, sort of. All the people from the base are here dressed in civilian clothing, secrecy and all that. No military honors, you're a civilian after all. Your body's in a box, but that's all. It's just a body now. All the knowledge that you had ever possesed, gone now. Perhaps you're flittering through Egypt, or discovering the mysteries of the universe, or maybe you've met up with Shau'ri and your parents. I hope you've found her, I don't know anyone who diserves it more. And your blue eyes that could send four nurses into comas when used right? Dead now, but I can remember them clearly. Sam and Teal'c are here. So are Hammond and Janet and even Cassie. They all look at me. I guess they want me to say something. I don't know what to say. You were the one who could wax poetic on rocks. Artifacts, Jack, artifacts.  
  
Did you know how many lives you've touched? I bet you never realized it, did you? How did you do that? How did you work your way into all of our lives. Especially mine. You were the only one who could bring out the part of me that I thought was forever buried with Charlie. Make sure he's safe, will you?  
  
Jeez, all those times you always thought I wasn't listening. I listened more than you will ever know. I didn't always get it, but boy I tried. I tried as hard as I could to listen when you went into your full professor mode. I wanted to, hard as it was. And I know I didn't show it, but you gotta know that I tried.  
  
Do you know how important you'd become to all of us? Maybe you did and maybe thats why you stayed, even though there was nothing left to hold you here. I had promised that we'd find her. But we didn't... And then she died. I'm so sorry. Did I ever tell you that?  
  
It's over now. They all expect me to say something, I was your CO after all, but all I can think right now, is of the people walking by on the sidewalk who are giving us sympathetic looks. I want to scream to them, take them by their shoulders and shake the information into them. I want to scream that they're alive because you are dead. But I can't and they go on with their lives, not knowing that a hero just died. Because ou are a hero. I know you would probably deny it, but you are.  
  
Never thought I'd see anything like it. He had the Ribbon device activating and you took the small second of time that you had befor it hit you and fired two shots from the Zat gun you had. It hit him, then you where hit, hard. I thought maybe your nine lives hadn't expired, but you'd already been hit not five minutes before. Add on to that what else you had gone through in those past few days and somehow I'm not really surprised at how hard it hit you. He fell and then you did and I ran over in time to catch the triumph that flared in your blue eyes, in time to hear you whisper "I did it," before you sighed and your eyes glazed over. The snakehead was dead and you had just saved Earth.  
  
Hero, no matter what anyone says, and if they say otherwise, they won't live beyond a week.  
  
The crowd has slowly dispersed and I'm left standing there without knowing it, so I walk away. I'm numb. I don't know where I'm going or what I'm doing. I walk by the bar that I had always dragged you to after a hard mission or when I had deemed that you had done enough work. I don't go in though, just stand out on the sidewalk in what could now be cosidered rain.  
  
Languidly I look up. My mind registers rain only when I realize that I've forgotten my jacket and I'm now soaked. The only thing I can think right now is that if you had forgotten your jacket, you would have never heard the end of it. They call me a mother hen, and maybe I am, but I can't help it. Not after you've become so important to me.  
  
I slowly walk away, deciding not to unnerve the passerbys any more than necessary and slowly begin my meandering way home. I make it somehow, and the door slams closed behind me. I wonder how Teal'c and Sam are handling it. For me, it's almost as bad as when Charlie died.  
  
I'll be handing in my resignation tomorrow first thing in the morning. I think that Hammond suspected it somehow. Sam and Teal'c will be reassigned to other teams. Don't be complaining, we agreed in the beginning that no Daniel Jackson meant no SG-1. Another team member would throw off the carefully constructed balance that had developed between us all. Besides, we might insult him when we accidently yell at him to get down or tackle him to the ground when danger appears unexpectedly.  
  
I sigh and it sounds hollow to my ears. I strip off my wet shirt and don't bother to get a new one. Instead I flip through my movies, taped TV shows mostly and decide that hockey should work. That should be so mind numbing that afterwards I shouldn't be able to think up the name of the city we're in, let alone the country. USA by the way, if you were wondering.  
  
I slip the tape in, sit down, crack open a beer and curl up under the spare blanket that I always left out on the couch for when you appeared halfway throught the night on my doorstep, reminding me of a beaten, lost in the crowd puppy. I try to ignore the empty spot next to me where you would normally be when I dragged you from your work and reminded you that you had a life too.  
  
The movie runs and on comes...flamingos. The Migratoy Patterns of Flamingos. I didn't even now flamingos *did* migrate. I stare at it in shock and then remember that night before our last mission when you had been over and persuaded me to tape the game and watch NOVA instead. You hadn't taped it. So I laugh which quickly turns to tears, so I sit sobbing on my couch watching a show about flamingos. Every minute of it and I remember every mission, every moment, with you. Like the times when your eyes would spark with curiosity and your mind would run faster than your mouth in effort to explain some new phenomenon in terms that I would understand.  
  
The tears stream down my face and I wonder where you are now. I hope you're reunited with Sha'uri and your parents. Perhaps you've met Charlie. Maybe you've discovered a different Stargate and are discovering worlds that we could only dream of.  
  
And somewhere in my musings, I feel your presence beside me. That shy, gentle touch that had always been there before. I think for a moment that I even feel Charlie. That touch reassures me that everything is all right.  
  
And I fall asleep. 


	2. Hero II

disclaimer: as usual, not mine  
Warnings: deals with character death and language (its Jack)  
spoilers: Little tiny ones that don't spoil anything  
Authors note: see previous chapter oh, and feedback, I love feedback  
  
  
Hero II  
by Jsel  
  
  
I wake up slowly, cramped. I sit up, stretch my legs, roll my head and refuse, for the moment, to acknowledge any memories from the previous night. I stand up slowly and walk to the bathroom, squinting as I click on the light. I runt he cold water into the sink and dunnk my head into the icy cold water. I come up again, gasping and quickly dry my face and hair as I let one memory at a time filter into my brain.  
  
I skip breakfast because I'm already late, not that it matters anymore, and grab my jacket and head out the door. At least somethings gone right and I'm not stopped by the cops, even though I was obviously speeding on the road up to the mountain.  
  
I enter the elevator and my hand hesitates for a second before sliding down tot he level where I know I can find General Hammond and press it. I have time now, to wonder if this descision is the right one. My hand is gripping the deciding papers tightly and I know I can't go back. I step out of the elevator and travel briskly to Hammonds office, knowck, don't wait for an answer before steping in. He looks for a minute like he's going to reprimand me before he realizes who it is and what I'm about to say. He sighs. He's expected this for a while. I hand the papers over and he takes them.  
  
"Are you sure?" Am I sure? Don't ask that, I almost say. I might change my mind. I nod and turn away, back to the elevator and before I realize where I am, I'm standing outside your office, like so many other times when I've decided to check on you, even though I knew you hated it. Breathing deep, I go in. The place is cluttered, the normally harsh light mellowed somewhat by the lapm thats on your desk and I walk around, running my hands over your rocks. Sam and Teal'c should be here soon. They know what I just did and they know I'll be here. It's just a matter of time before they arrive.  
I hear voices outside, but it isn't Sam or Teal'c, so I stand right behind the door and listen.  
  
"...Heard he was a geek and couldn't walk without tripping over his own two feet. At least we don't have to deal with that anymore..." I recognize that voice as a new airman and they travel away. I also have no trouble figuring out who they were talking about. I step out as they make their way to the elevator.  
  
"Miles." My voice is steel and he feezes and turns around and comes back. His companion carries on and I wait until the elevator doors have closed before pinning the airman to the wall. My hand tightens around his collar, choking of his air and he gasps.  
  
"Do you know of anyone," I grind out, "Who lost his parents, was ridiculed by his peers, Lost his wife twice, and still found it in his heart to save the world for assholes like you who probably wouldn't care if he lived or died? I do. And he is the geek that found the lives on Earth worth his life to save." I hear running footsteps behind me and someone pulling me back by the shoulder before I choke this guy to death. I let go and he falls to the ground. "Get out of my sight." I growl and he gratefully scambles away.   
His saviors are Sam and Teal'c I find and we stand in a small circle. Sam's panting slightly and Teal'c looks as worried as he would show. As one we migrate into your office.  
  
"Sir," starts Sam, but I cut her off. They're going to try to convince me to stay. Sorry guys, aint gonna happen.  
  
"No. I'm sorry. I can't. Not this time." Maybe one day I might venture back, but it would never be the same and I can't stay right now. Sam nods slowly, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. Suddely she embraces me.  
  
"Promise me you wont stay away." she whispers and I know she doesn't mean away from the SGC. They don't want to loose me forever.  
  
"I'll be around." I whisper back and she nods and releases me before turning and running out the door.  
  
I turn to Teal'c. he speaks first.  
  
"Danieljackson once told me the story about the man Odysseus, who endured many trials to return to his country and his wife and son." I nod. That was just one of the many myths we had all learned while working on missions. Teal'c continued. "At the time, I was stuck by the simalarities of the quest of Odysseus and the quest of Danieljackson." I look up at him in alarm, wondering where he was going. "I believe that Danieljackson's quest has finally ended." a pause then, "And maybe yours has begun."  
  
"What do you mean?" I ask, even though I'm pretty sure I know the answer.  
  
"The quest for acceptance, o'niell, you have yet to finish." I nod, working hard not to let the tears overflow and clasp his hand tightly. He's right, I know and it will be a long hard road before I come to terms with whats happened. It was long with Charlie and I expect it will be again. "Goodbye O'neill." Teal'c intones. I nod back again, not trusting myself to speak and walk back to the elevator and ascend to topside and walk away in the sunlight.  
  
It's begun now for me and maybe when it's over, I'll seek them out, but right now, all I can do is drive away in the sunlight and hope my journey ends quickly. 


End file.
